As I sit here staring at this blinking cursor wondering what to write to you all, I find myself thinking about all the reasons I love to write, all the reasons why I share what I do, and the many ways the simple act of writing heals me.
This is not my first blog and probably won’t be my last. This is however my first attempt at maintaining a blog sober. I’ve found my writing doesn’t change much, but my attitude (and certainly my own judgement of it) is profoundly critical; and that stops me from publishing even really great stuff. So in a way, this blog is an experiment for me. I’m actually not writing this for you Dear Readers* for the first time ever, I am writing simply because I love it. It’s my therapy. It’s my friend that’s always there. It’s an addiction that I’d love to nurture and eventually eek out a living doing.
I think for a while this blog may feel more like a journal than my usual “op-ed” commentary on the world (though there will be plenty of that); between the lessons, the lectures, the opinions…will be the running true story of this blog… me. All these opinions I have were formed in the fire that is my life. I like sharing my stories, and the one thing Ive been really good at my entire life is storytelling. I love it. I love the audience. I love making people feel things. Getting you to cry, or laugh some beverage right out of your face is like winning a marathon for me; because when you can allow people the space to feel, and the means to express it… you are a healer. That’s what I want my writing to accomplish, first for myself; then for my readers. Healing. Thats what it really is all about. The healing process is never pain-free, easy, or comfortable. Healing actually hurts a bit. Healing leaves scars. Healing needs constant care and attention. Healing is never fully accomplished because what hurts us is also constant. It’s the balance of feelings, the acknowledgement of truth, and the perseverance of life itself that pushes us to heal when we want to give up.
I am not committing to a schedule for the blog yet. I do hope to get to the point where I write to you good people everyday, or at least share something that you can distract yourselves with on a daily basis, but I’m not quite there yet. As I mentioned above, my self criticism is off the charts right now. I had a really rough couple of days and as much as I wanted to write, I couldn’t. That voice that tells me “no one gives a shit what you think” is louder than everything else. Today, I am writing anyway. I havent written the story I wanted to launch the blog with. I beat myself up for that for a while because it’s an amazing story! (You’ll get it though I promise….its just gonna be a little late is all). So all this uncertainty and anxiety and self loathing and bullshit bullshit bullshit… is not always going to stop me, and in that case you will see an entry like this one. A free-flowing ramble to remind myself who I am and what I want to do. Sharing the process is a part of the plan. When its hard to write is exactly when I should write. Healing is uncomfortable. The healing process actually kind of sucks. Embrace the suck.
* “Dear Readers”, a term of endearment I totally stole from Stephen King. He always made me feel like he was talking directly to me when he said that. I’ve always used it in my writing as a nod to him, and in the hopes that you get that same feeling when you read it; because I am speaking directly with you.