Sometimes I disappear from the online world for a few days, weeks… whatever I need to do to stay sane. I have written some stuff in the past week, I just haven’t published it. I do my Facebook bullshit, but I don’t really interact. Sometimes, even the good things I do for myself (like this blog) can become toxic and detrimental to my well-being if I don’t maintain my perspective and expectations. Sometimes, I put way too much pressure on myself for no good reason, and I have to step back. Sometimes, the news in the world is too overwhelming for me to address responsibly, and so I say nothing until I can decide if I even want to address things. This last week or so…. all of these things collided, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do about it; so I opted for silence.
My therapy has taken this new turn and it’s already difficult and excellent. I’ve got a lot on my mind and until I understand it, I’m not gonna give it up for public consumption – but that is what’s dominating my life at the moment so quite frankly, this blog will be much less frequent than I had originally intended.
I like that I am keeping this flexible. As soon as the stat page dominated my thinking (you other bloggers know what I mean right? LOL) I changed my priorities. My prior self would have agonized then quit entirely.
So I’m not sure where this is going or what my expectations are, except that I will publish when I feel like publishing instead of forcing myself to do it in order to maintain momentum (that stat page LOL). Im not trying to win the most popular blogger award here and my competitive side loses track of that rather quickly when my capitalist thinking kicks in and destroys the meaning of things because success can only be measured in numbers (which is false thankfully).
My goal to write daily hasn’t changed – it’s just not a goal to publish daily. I like refining my goals without just giving up on them entirely. I like being flexible. Thats a new skill for me honestly. I am just a Veteran with a Vagina, pretty much anything else is subject to change.